I am a product of the frenetic generation. The generation that grew up with little, and matured into possibilities. My psychology is partly influenced by the scarcity mindset of my parents’ generation, the kind that prioritised safety and predictability over adventure, and partly influenced by the possibility mindset of the internet generation, where twenty year olds could become billionaires from the comfort of their dorm rooms. And that my friend is a recipe for a highly schizophrenic existence.

In campus, my computer science classmates and I harboured these strong negative sentiments about being employed. Employment was for the weak willed. Employment was for our parents. Employment was the path long trodden by many before us, which led to nothing but a bland eight to five existence. No no, we were going to be entrepreneurs. We were going to build technology businesses that touched the lives of millions. And we were going to be Millionaires in the process.

I did a stock take the other day of that band of rebels, and out of 5 of us, only one is a full fledged entrepreneur, and even he only got into it fairly recently after over 10 years in guess what, employment. Did we fail? To our 20 year old selves, of course. But then you grow up, and realise that failure is a matter of perspective. To one person, the divorcee failed at Marriage. To another, the same divorcee is a hero who had the courage to end an abusive relationship. Perspective.

And it wasn’t for lack of trying by the way. At one point or the other, each of us tinkered with entrepreneurship. I gave it three stabs before I found my path in employment. I know another who’s last business was doing so well we were all waiting to see a press release of his internet company being bought out or invested in by some silicon valley honcho. Didn’t happen. But this isn’t our group blog so this post will focus on my experiences, as I pursued the entrepreneurial fairy tale, and the life discoveries I stumbled upon on the way.

I was tenacious. I still am to a great extent but with a twist. I didn’t just want to build a great company, I wanted to build the greatest company. I went at it with everything I had. In Silicon Valley, 2-3 year old companies were being valued in millions of dollars. Why couldn’t we? Go big or go home, was the mantra. And boy did I go at it. In the proverbial manner of biting more than you can chew, the inevitable tough periods that come with business became pure nightmares as a result. We were what the smart guys would call over-leveraged. That’s just a fancy way of saying we were royally screwed. Why? Because we we burning through money like a forest fire, revenue wasn’t coming in as fast as projected, and our investors were getting very impatient. Before long, the money taps closed, and we went under. That was my third company. The one that was meant to be it. The one that had great promise. The one everyone was talking about, or so it seemed.

I was hungry. Hunger is good. Oh yes it is, until it’s not. Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish right? Here’s the problem with hunger. Hungry people can’t think of anything other than food. Try getting a hungry person to join a protest on climate change and you will see. Unless you are giving him food as a reward for protesting of course. If you are hungry for a promotion, that’s all you think about. If you are hungry for a husband, well, you will being seeing potential husbands at every corner. Hunger makes you obsess. And the problem with obsessing, is that you lose the advantage of a wider point of view. In my hunger for success, I fell out with pretty much all my co-founders. Why? Because they weren’t hungry enough. Not to my standards at least. The thing is, if you want to build something bigger than yourself, carrying others along with you is inevitable. And sometimes that may mean slowing down so they can catch up.

I was impatient. Failures are a build up of setbacks in many cases. Setbacks are like those police roadblocks they have on highways. If you were over-speeding, they will tell you. You will pay your fine, or face your day in court, but guess what, you will still get to keep driving the car. If you overtook on a corner. Well, the NTSA guys will tell you, you will deal the best way you know how, but you still get to keep driving. Now, if you are in a rush to get to your destination, and despite the roadblocks you keep breaking the traffic rules, you could end up in an accident, the car gets written off, and that’s it. Let me not push the analogy too far, I think you get the point. Put simply, I skimmed over the setbacks, not picking up on the lessons and adjusting accordingly. No, I kept going, believing speed was my only ally. Until I crashed.

As I sit in my kitchen typing this, waiting for my baked potatoes to bake, it occurs to me that what the wise men of old said about life being a marathon, and not a sprint wasn’t hogwash after all. I have since replaced potential with purpose, by picking my desired, meaningful level of success and sticking to paths that lead me to it. I have learned that while tenacity glorifies doing and doing some more, wisdom is knowing when to stop and reflect on whether you are heading in the right direction. I don’t operate from a point of hunger anymore. No, I operate from a place of abundance. That my value as a human being isn’t defined by achievement. That I could be a millionaire at 30 or be a millionaire at 50, or maybe even not reach that status. But guess what, i’m still a beloved child of a mighty God either way.

Lastly, as my Coach likes to say, Patience is Capital. The greatest generals in history aren’t the ones who rushed into War, but rather those who patiently sought the most assured way to win a Battle, and when they found it, swooped in like an eagle and delivered a decisive victory for their Nation.