You know how when you have finally settled on the model for your first, or next car, and all of a sudden you start seeing that car all over the city? Just when you thought you had found a novel model that wasn’t a subaru that makes you a meme waiting to happen or a toyota that makes you a driving cliche, you see three of them in one day and you are like, what nonsense is this? Well, that’s what Corona has become for me. I see it everywhere. Everyone looks contagious. All surfaces look contaminated. Every article I read seems to have the word COVID-19 in it. It seems to find its way into every conversation. I’m constantly scared i’ve just got it. I sanitise like an OCD. If I accidentally forget my mask when I go to the estate shop I can just feel the viruses coming at me, like those Zombies in that American zombie show, what’s its name again?
I thought it was pretty cool at first, you know, being a part of a global phenomenon that puts this era smack in the books of history, alongside the spanish flu, world wars etc you know? Like they are going to make blockbuster movies inspired by Corona, and I was here when it happened. So yeah, i was excited at first. Then the numbers started escalating, thankfully not so much in Africa but escalating all the same. Then Italy sounded like it was about to implode. Then the US, the super power of the civilised world couldn’t keep up with the rates of infection and I was like wah, this thing is no joke. Then folks started dying right here at home and it became just a little bit too real to be too exciting anymore. Then my paranoia hit, and i’ve been a wreck since.
I shop like a maniac for the seemingly inevitable upcoming quarantine. Something essential runs out in the house and the supermarket very quickly makes its way into my to do list for that day. I have google alerts for every variation of Corona and Covid thinkable. I kiss and hug my kids every chance I get coz man, i’ve never felt so vulnerable in my whole life. And i’ve been a victim of tribal clashes before. Granted I was like 5 years old at the time but I bet my Dad felt pretty much the same way as we watched neighbours’ houses go up in flames and got news of who else has been slashed to death. Except in this case the enemy is invisible, and instead of pangas and torch lights he hits you with a subtle sniff. Freaky! I’ve hogged up my savings and stalled investments and debt repayments just so I can be cash flow positive for, what exactly? I genuinely can’t tell. But I know i’m better off over reacting than under reacting. So until further notice, Papa bear is covering up his little brood with everything he’s got.
In a rare moment of wisdom, I told a friend that after Corona there will be two kinds of people; those who triumphed despite Corona, and those who crumpled due to Corona. My goal is to belong to the former. I read some piece that said cash positive citizens have historically made fortunes by capitalising on depressions, as happened in the 1920s, the early 90s and in 2008. That’s right, i know my history. Then stats started coming out that businesses that had already become digital first before Corona happened, meaning that they were already heavily technology driven, were seeing growth like never before, Zoom (the video conferencing software) being a good example. I hear Uganda just instructed all their boda bodas (and they have a ton) to sign up on ride hailing companies like Safe Boda so they can be easily vetted for safety and stuff, and just like that this Start-up is on its way to becoming a Unicorn. Friend, while the rest of us are here Corona-this, Corona-that, humans be out there minting money!
I run this little monthly gathering of business folk called Un.thinkable (check it out, it’s pretty cool), and there too, the tech folk are doing brilliantly! See your life. But then, not everyone, even in tech is celebrating. If you are in the travel or hospitality industry you are royally screwed. Airbnb just let go of 25% of their staff, that’s 1,900 folks who have to figure Corona-life out without a paycheck. For a company valued in the billions of dollars, you’d think Airbnb would weather the storm better than most. But nope. Other sexy companies like Uber are in trouble too.
But forget corporate drama for a moment. I might not make a fortune out of Corona, but I feel like even just making it out of this hell hole with my life intact will be a win. My health for a start. One of the 3 cares in my 2020 manifesto was to keep my health/fitness in check. Then the gym closed up in March, and I had to stop relying on Roba, my gym guy, to keep me consistent with my work outs. Doing home workouts is like sex in a car. You feel ridiculous, the environment is never conducive, you run the risk of hurting yourself and doing it everyday?? Nope. But what choice do I have. Roba has been amazing. Sending me home work out videos, encouraging me to buy this or that other home gear paraphernalia. Me? I have tried. God knows I have tried. Messed up my shoulders and knees at some point, then my lower back, and now i’m having to do these therapy workouts that make me feel like an invalid. But at least i’m moving my body everyday, and that should count for something.
Mental health. What!? I love my daughters. Oh, I do brother. But, and this is a massive BUT. I want them in doses. Like early in the morning before work, then a little bit after work, then a little bit more on weekends, then once or twice a year on holiday. But every day, every waking moment, every little minute of every day?? My gut feeling is I won’t die of Corona, but keep me around my kids every day straight for a year and yeah, that will do it. The questions, the childish games, the childish squabbles, the messing up with my work stuff, the screaming during my work calls, the crying, oh the crying, the constant need for intervention on this and the other, the questions. Did I already say questions? Oh the questions. So many, so repetitive, so mind numbingly ridiculous. I’ve tried the tricks. Schedules, time outs, routines, tasks, all of it. And Vera has been fantastic. But I swear I think we need to be four parents to be able to split this Covid parenting role up without losing our mitts.
But I think the biggest victim of this Rona has been my marriage. I’m a treat, but i’m no fruit. I’m not the kind of human you want to keep cooped up within four walls for long periods. Weekends in the house are a nightmare, so weeks on end for me is a pretty good taste of what hell must be like. I’m miserable. Now imagine being married to that. My friends and I have become pretty creative with figuring out safe ways to get out of the house, but even that just isn’t enough. Vera on the other hand thrives indoors. Lock her up in the house and she’s in the zone. She will work. She will do chores. She will sleep. Then sleep some more. She will listen to some deep music. She will talk to friends. She will supervise the household with a precision that feels like wasted talent. Then once she’s done with all that, she has to come put up with the misery on legs that is yours truly. So yeah, it’s been tough. Which is a gross understatement of the state of things.
I’m slaying it at work. I happen to work in tech and innovation, which is pretty much what everyone wants right now as companies figure things out with Rona. I was enjoying driving to work with the no-traffic state of affairs until people decided they were done with their houses and got back on the road again. No wonder our Covid cases have been on the rise again. Most of my colleagues are working from home, so the office is this paradise of solitary work that is just bliss. Turns out putting up hundreds of people to work in one building reduces their productivity. Who would have known? The running joke is the toughest thing employed people are having to put up with right now is being away from their work-wives and work-husbands. lol! I hope mine are doing great wherever they are. I kid.
Aaargh, look. Who could have seen this coming? No one. So don’t blame yourself if you feel like you’ve been chewed up by some nasty monster and got spit out in some apocalyptic-esque excuse of an existence, and you are groping everywhere just to keep your balance. Guess what, so is every one else. So give yourself a break, take a drink, make some love, say a prayer, make a nice dish, and not necessarily in that order. Whatever you do, just make sure you come out of this hell-hole whole. See what I did there?
Bye.
